Something About A Sunday

This article was printed in the October issue of the SWFL Parrot

Another month has come and gone and it’s time to get back to old habits. Ironically enough my old habits are taking me to all NEW places… well almost all new places.
This month’s bar crawl is taking me in a direction I’ve not been… west??? I guess it’s west. As my guidance counselor always said… I lack direction. He also told me that all my tests said that when I grew up I would become a bad influence… it appears the man was a bit of a psychic.
So…this month took me out Burnt Store Road and down (or up?) Pine Island Road into Matlacha. I laugh when I say Matlacha because I always think it’s Nick Lachey’s brother. Please tell me you get that joke. I think it’s funny! Regardless, I ‘ve fallen in love with Matlacha, Pine Island, Bokeelia, and St. James City. For some reason my expectations have always been that on the water bars are expensive. I was oh so wrong. What follows is a Sunday crawl with me and Big Mikey.
Step 1) Bert’s Bar & Grill. Apparently THE place to stop in Matlacha. It’s on the left right before the bridge that crosses into Pine Island. I knew upon entering, that this was my kinda place. An “all you can eat fish fry” and football on a big screen is an almost can’t miss for a good bar. Add a friendly bartender named Lisa and we’re still rolling towards greatness. I could talk about this bar for another six inches of type but I’m on a word count so it’s gonna go fast. The bar has a great old Florida feel and what looks to be an appetizing menu. I was stuck on the drafts and didn’t sample the fare, but how can you go wrong with fresh fish. The menu has a great story about the history of the bar which is also available on their website www.bertsbar.com. The website has their live music schedule which is a “don’t miss” of great local bands. They are famous for their Million Dollar View which I never got far enough from the bar to see. I have to say I had one heck of a great time watching the bartender play “tag” with the volume button on the jukebox and watching us all in amazement as the Dolphins almost won a game… but they didn’t. This is a MUST stop on any trip out that way!
Step 2) Red’s Seafood House and Tavern. Over the bridge and right on Stringfellow into Bokeelia. I learned my geography from two lovely bartenders at Red’s… apparently right at the intersection is Bookelia and left is St. James City. In my infinite stupidity I neglected to get the names of these two angels from behind the bar so I will call them Siren1 and Siren2. If you stop in, apologize for me and tell them I promise I’ll be back in with a pen. I love it when a bartender can tell that a pitcher suits me better than a draft! These two sweeties were kind enough to point us in several directions and without them I could never have found the remaining spots on this crawl and for that I thank them. Big Mike and I didn’t stay long because it was starting to fill up around supper time and from the line of chairs by the front door this was the hot place to eat. We stayed long enough to finish our pitcher and discuss suburbs of Philly and New Jersey exits and we were on our way.
Step 3) Froggy’s. Left onto Stringfellow and into St. James City… thanks again ladies. Down the road and on the left, you can’t miss it. Now talk about an old style Florida bar… here it is. I bar with two closed in lanais out front complete with comfy sofas. There’s a gazebo…on the INSIDE of the bar…and we haven’t even gotten to the best part… dollar drafts! I big ole beautiful bar with a nice gal behind it named Lecia. We both had a dollar on how to spell it and we both were wrong. I asked twice and I bet I still got it wrong…remember…no pen. Had I known there were so many good bars out this way I would have gotten up earlier in the day and packed a pillow… and a pen. We stayed for a couple and enjoyed the atmosphere of a bar that could easily have been in old Key West and then paid our exorbitant bar tab of 3 bucks (Mike had switched to Coke since he lost the bet to be designated driver! I always cheat… I know he always throws paper, so I always throw scissors!)
Step 4) Ragged Ass Saloon. HOW can you NOT stop at a place with this name??? I couldn’t “not” stop. Again… a great surprise… live music on the outside stage, a nice diverse collection of souls at the bar and dollar drafts. What’s not to love? By this time of the night, the crawl was winding down and it was getting dark so were couldn’t stay for more than one at this particular place. It’s a long way back to Port Charlotte and Mike gets cranky drinking Coke instead of Budweiser! I wish I had more time to meet and greet the crew here at Raggedy Ass but when the driver says go…we go…after I whine a little, right Mike? Plus we still had one more stop to make!
Step 5) Bubba’s. Now if you’ve met Big Mike and I you know we could be the poster boys for a place named Bubba’s so it was a must stop as well. It’s left on Pine off of Burnt Store Road coming out of Punta Gorda… on the left side. This place looked like a lot of fun. A big ole drinking area and football on every tv, peanuts on the bar (and floor), NTN trivia and a cutie working the rail make it another great stop. I swear, how did I not know about these places??? I have to confess the main drawing point for me to go back to this place was a server who had to be 6’5”… I am sooo the sucker for tall women!!! Actually, I’m a sucker for short ones too…and come to think about it average height as well. Well, the bear (Mike) wouldn’t let me stay for as many as I wanted and since we had the drive back to PC I agreed…after more whining…right Mike?... we headed the long Burnt Store Road back towards Punta Gorda and over the bridge to Port Charlotte.
I have to say for finding 5 new bars in someplace I’ve never been and having ALL of them be places I could adopt as a second home makes me think that someone up there (or down there…direction issues remember) is smiling on me. I’m seriously thinking about looking for a house out there! Yes those bars are that good.

Upon entering the home site of Port Charlotte I woke from my car nap and took right back to whining. Since we were close to home and Mike had stopped drinking quite the while back, I was able to whine my way into one more stop back in the good ole PC… did I mention the part about being a bad influence? It was easy because Mike and I both have taken a shine to this little dive (meant in the best possible way) and mainly because of its bartenders.
Step 6) Charlie’s Pub and Billiards near Easy St. on the access road. Mike and I stopped in Charlie’s a couple months ago because it was the last place in Port Charlotte I hadn’t been. The reason was because my brother in law, who is my long time drinking buddy, only drinks Jack (they are beer and wine) and because I don’t shoot pool. Well Mike and I immediately took a liking to the bargals who were WAY more than friendly and now I must say I make it a stop at least a couple times a week. I absolutely love Brettany, Cassie, Kimmy, and Lisa and I’m sure I’ll learn to love Stacey too…she’s new. WARNING… this is an acquired taste and not right for everybody! I don’t know how else to put that.
Step 6 and a half) Back to my house to think about the day. As always the best things in life are the surprises that you get out of everyday. I was expecting nothing from this crawl and it turned out to be one of my most favorite. Please take the time to drive out to Pine Island and see Old Florida before it’s gone. These bars are everything that I fell in love with when I turned 18…yes that was the drinking age when I was young…back in the day. Please be nice to all the gals (or guys) who work behind the bar and tell them thank you from me. Also tell them I’ll be back to that area as soon as I can whine Big Mike into driving me out there… Good ole scissors beats paper every time. See ya out there…toodles!